As I sit here, thinking about you, I am overwhelmed with emotions. If I had to sum this year in one word – It would be heavy-hearted, but through it all, as hard as this year has been, I’ve hard this overwhelming feeling of contentment, and I’m so grateful for that.
2020 came at us head-on. A lot happened. It was unlike what many of us have ever experienced before.
I think what’s so hard about miscarrying in your 20’s is that it makes you wonder what the next few years will hold. But through all the losses, wins, and lessons. I’m a firm believer that God’s timing is always better than ours. I’m beyond thankful for the stillness. This year has brought Nick and I closer and has forced us to lean on each other more than ever. We stopped focusing on what we didn’t’ have or what wasn’t happening and celebrated life and all of the amazing moments whether good or bad that are right in front of us. Our relationship has strengthened and our perspectives have changed. We are growing individually and together. We support each other dreams and aspirations.
The pain has sculpted me. At times I feel everything, but other times I feel nothing. The everything is overwhelming.
Something magical happens when I sat inside my own pain and didn’t try to run away from it. I healed. It was beautiful. I found out that you can be completely broken and shattered and then you can put yourself beautifully back together piece by piece.
I understand more deeply. Empathy.
Grief is different for all of us. I’m learning that grief is love. It’s all love you want to give but can’t. Yet death remains taboo like some distant topic. You hear about friends loved ones passing but usually, it’s a “wow that’s awful” but those are just words. You don’t know or won’t know how awful it truly is until it’s you experiencing the loss first hand.
I hurt more often. The things that bring me joy also brings me great pain because I’m not experiencing them with my best friend. The love doesn’t go away, but I’m used to the pain.
I have come to truly appreciate “Time”. I look forward to the small moments much more. It’s what I miss. I miss the small moments. I read a quote that said you never know in which hug you are saying goodbye… and that cannot be more true.
I appreciate each hello and each goodbye that much more.
I’m balancing grief and gratitude.
I happy cry and sad cry.
I have hope that someday we will meet again. That there is a purpose in all this pain.
I love deep. I love more.
Love is really the only thing that matters.
Friendship(s) has taken a whole meaning to me in this season of my life. The older I get, the more I yearn for authenticity and vulnerability. I’m a feeler, I love hard. What I’ve found, is that there are friendships that are meant to be temporary, and there are ones that will never be deep but that doesn’t mean they aren’t beautiful and true.
I think true friendship is love. To me, it is God’s way of reaching down and hugging you at your best, and more importantly at your worst. I want to be the friend that is always there no matter what. Supportive, trustworthy, loyal, and always down for a good time. I don’t know about you, but as I’m rounding out my twenties, I’m seeing that it seemingly becoming more and more difficult to spend quality time with friends. Between building careers, marriage, growing families, big moves, and even loss. I have learned that It’s on you to keep your friendships alive. If you want to maintain friendships, you have to put in a little effort. You have to be generous in friendships, even if it’s just paying for coffee or pizza. You give what you can whether in affection, money, knowledge, experience, contacts, resources, recipes, and more. It’s easy to get caught up in everyday routines. But you have to pick up the phone. Send a text, email, whatever it is. don’t ever miss an opportunity to reach out when they cross your mind.
What I always liked the most about myself, and what I always want to keep, is my ability to still smile through the pain. It’s my survival suit. It has helped me navigate through life
I’ve started to find a new balance deep down. I’d been looking for it for years. I’m unwiring and unlearning all the things I was taught that have no biblical values but mainly cultural. I’m proud of who I am and grown to be! I’m developing my own art of living and the beginnings of my own spirituality. I don’t believe society or other people know better than I do what is important for me. There’s an unspoken timeline society have for us, especially women that we supposed to have our life figured out by the time we 30.
That’s not my journey! I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
Coming to the understanding God created me exactly how he wanted me to. I learn to really love my flaws. Seeing the beauty in my imperfections.
This time has allowed me to search deep within myself and see who around me shares the same passion of servant-leadership, positive energy, and constant evolution through learning.
I’m not easily satisfied. I thrive to be better at what I do every day. This has helped me to love myself more, discover the world. I practice gratitude every single day. I thank God for everything that I am giving. Manifesting the goodness I want in my life through the power of positive thinking.
This year, I will continue to take better care of myself and all those around me, while nourishing my mind, body, and soul intellectually, creatively, and spiritually so that I can strive forward gracefully on this beautiful marathon we’ve been blessed with.
I only have this one life, and I’m going to ride till the wheel falls off. This all because I know it can all be gone tomorrow.
Happy New Year to you! May this year be filled with Love, Health, Life, Wealth, Joy, Peace, and Happiness.
As always, thanks for reading my words!
