The months followed were a blur. No appetites, sleepless nights, panic attacks and midnight runs to Walgreens for sleeping pills. It was a hard time and still a hard time. I tried to make sense of what happened, I struggled to find the right words. I was in disbelief. I remember every aspect and details of that day. Our last words, hug and look. My heart dropping. In that moment I knew my life had changed forever.
Your grieving process is nothing like you would have ever expected, and it’s really not what other people expect of you either. It’s beyond crying, its more express through anxiety and depression. And I have been battling that since. It has been a very difficult process and it’s even more difficult for me to talk about without getting emotional. But when I think of her I get really happy because we shared some great moments and experiences. We were extremely close, I’m close with all my cousin, Cass and I shared a very special bond. We both Aquarius, our birthdays are only 9 days apart, we had some of the same interests, we were alike in some ways but different at the same time.
I have a hard time focusing and some days I get really sad that I have a hard time being around people. I get frustrated easily and I sometimes take that frustration out on my boyfriend (Sorry, babe). I cry a few times a week and I struggle with getting out of bed. I am not OK! I’m sure someday I will be, but for now, I am not at all. I miss her so much every day. but that just shows how much love I had for her, and how much love she had for me.
Some days are better than others. but on my bad days, I try my best to count all blessings and practice gratefulness. Find time for the things that make me feel happy to be alive. and remember to be kind to myself. because It’s okay to not be okay. And the best thing you can do for anyone grieving is to be there for them, love on them, and listen to them.
Remember this, “the strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us but those who win battles we know nothing about”
So beautiful and so real! It takes a lot to not only be honest with yourself but to share your feelings with the world. Thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts. #foreverCassieCousins
The vulnerability is this is loud and clear. Thank you for letting me in on your experience of grief. It’s refreshing to know that you are allowing your emotions to be and not erasing them simply because time has gone by.